STOP!

Should be dated: 17th July 2008

I’ve had it. I crib so much these days that I drown in my own grief! And what for? Because I am away from civilization? Because I cannot shop or watch a movie when I will and please? Are they valid reasons for being upset? Can I not block such silly thoughts or accept that these issues will remain and move on? Why do I have to let depression reign supreme? Why should I bug my husband and my parents day in and day out? They are dealing with their set of problems are they not? Do I hear them whine about anything? They are all positive. So is it really so hard to look deep inside and find reasons to be happy?

Yes, they have the advantage of familiar landscapes and people or at least the comfort of an own home. But they are also waging daily battles. Setting goals and falling short, moving to a totally new place of work and settling in and without work at that. They also know that they have hard days ahead. They will also deal with separation with loved ones and bouts of loneliness. Point is, they are not cribbing and being a baby about it. And no, my ‘pain’ is definitely not greater than any of theirs so I cannot make it out to be that. I just need something to worry and crib about. And that’s the honest truth. So I should find a positive project, no! Something to do rather than analyze to bits!

Self-gyaan:
Quit moping, dude, before you start losing your ability to be productive and reasonable. You came quite close to it today.

Life is meant to be lived. And loved. Even in moments that you want to want to scream and rant and cry. That’s what being a professional and more importantly being grown-up is all about. You set your eyes on something and don’t let anything else get in between.

For the place you are in now, you know that it’s in your hands. If you can work so hard that they see results, they will let you out of here sooner than later. But if they don’t, have the dignity to hold yourself together and bear it out. 15 days means the 1st of Aug. You have to deal with that possibility and like I said, with dignity.

You will not shame me by crying and whining anymore. You will remedy your loneliness yourself. You will find books to read, games to play and movies to watch. You will be strong and quiet, resilient and brave, courageous and firm. You will make me proud of you.